"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" - various authors

 

March 20, 2013 - I got the call that there was a car accident and my mom and 3 year old niece didn't make it.

 

My first reactions were confusion, disbelief, and a little pissed off, to be honest.

 

MY INNER THOUGHTS: No one dies in a car accident unless there was something crazy that happened. I mean c'mon. Our family has been in A LOT of car accidents and the worse that has happened is an ambulance ride to the ER. Maybe they just got hurt really bad this time, so there's been some misinformation but they AREN'T dead. They aren't just gone like that.

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Well, something crazy did happen. A Barney Fife ass cop unnecessarily kicked off a high speed chase, in a residential area, by suddenly surrounding and scaring an unsuspecting low level drug dealer as if he had a bomb in the truck with him. As my family was heading home from grocery shopping, their 2003 Pontiac Grand Am sedan was slammed into by the fleeing late 90's heavy-body Chevy Yukon doing over 80mph.  

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I'll spare you the gruesome details, but in the blink of an eye, our entire family's paradigm shifted. Alicia was our matriarch and Jordan was our JahBaby.

 

Prior to March 20, 2013 - I spent my life figuring out my life. I was born and raised in a deep dark valley, but I kept my head to the sky where I could see the light and imagined staying above ground where the light in me could flourish. 

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At the age of 5, my life went from a princess discovering and learning the world she lived in to surviving evil by my lonesome. My life became very painful after that point due to my mom's husband concealing that he was torturing me, being raised in poverty around mental illness, drug dealing and abuse, then surviving hereditary and life threatening diseases, and finally, the meat of the problem, surviving racism.

 

People born and raised outside of poverty and drug abuse/dealing would have me believe that I was in that position because I wasn't working hard enough to get out of it. And since they were where I wanted to be, I listened. Thinking that I could avoid the pain in my life, I learned every lesson I could whether it was mine or someone else's to learn. I became disciplined and accountable around the age of 6. I thought that if I don't want bad stuff to happen to me, then I should only do good stuff.

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March 20, 2013 was the ultimate lesson that...that shit was a lie. Pain is inevitable but suffering was optional. Nothing I did caused that pain so there was no way I could avoid it. It just happened. That's life. It happens. It's in how you interpret the pain, that makes the difference, however. 

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Pain is a person’s experience of emotional, psychological, or physical discomfort. 

Suffering is their interpretation and emotional response to that discomfort.

Suffering comes only after pain has been experienced but once the pain is gone, suffering can stick around for a lifetime. 

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Let's use a common discomfort known to mankind, delivering a newborn. 

Even with modern medical advances, the experience is still discomforting yet the pain isn't the purpose it just happens to come with the territory. 

At 38 weeks pregnant, I delivered a 9lb 2oz, 21" long baby boy.

He would've been much bigger at 40 weeks but ran out of room lol so delivering him felt like I had been hit by a freight train.

The pain was immeasurable but my interpretation and emotional response to it was that it came with the territory of bringing forth life.

Suffering had no chance to set up shop in my life because once the discomfort subsided, so did my interpretation and emotional response to it. 

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For a lot of us though, suffering becomes an inescapable identity.

 

Many of us live our lives the following way:

 

​Some Hard Work & Dedication = Some Suffering        Some Success

 

Max Hard Work & Dedication = Max Suffering        Max Success

  

In our society, it's not only normal to suffer in life, it's admirable and measured as success. There's this thought that, if you didn't suffer for your life's success, you didn't earn it. Fortunately, nothing could be further from the truth and we can prove it.  

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THE PROBLEM

There are people desperately working towards something in life but can't get far because things in life keep happening to them instead of for them.

The normalcy of suffering is so widespread that they believe their obstacles and failures are a direct result of them and not their environment.

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OUR BELIEF

It takes a village to raise a child, yet many children - who are now adults - weren't raised in an environment suited for children, where they would've been given the security they need to be heard, develop, flourish, and to be able to realize their hopes and dreams.

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It's not too late for those adults, though! 

 

By gaining clarity on who they really are, and not what suffering has made them, they can locate and enter their village to finally be in the environment that helps them intentionally live their best life.

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THE SOLUTION

Business to Consumer (B2C) Matchmaking: Match the right businesses to the right consumers so they finally meet each other and build the village of their best lives.

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For Loyal Consumers: your life will flourish because it's supported by the right village of businesses who provide the services/products that make up your ideal life. The right businesses have a direct interest in your success because, when you succeed from their services/products, you become proof that they deliver on results. You become the five star review that business needs to continue serving others in the future. 

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For Trusted Businesses: your business will flourish because you're supported by the right village of consumers who build your service/product into their ideal lives. The right consumer has a direct interest in your success because your services/products is a part of their ideal life. They gainfully invest in your services/products so you continue serving in the future. 

 

THE METHOD

Our methodologies stem from Maslow's hierarchy of needs but makes it more specific and pragmatic to the present day. 

We've found that life starts to happen for you instead of to you when you figure out the following 5 puzzle pieces of life:

1. UnPuzzle Reason – figuring out your emotions, beliefs, and behavior so that you start feeling, thinking, and reacting your best

2. UnPuzzle Finance – figuring out your finances so that you afford your best life

3. UnPuzzle Fitness – figuring out your bodily systems and physical environment so you function at your best

4. UnPuzzle Talent – figuring out your vocation so that your career supports your best life

5. UnPuzzle Pleasure – figuring out your joys and pleasures so that you reward you for being you

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Coming soon, you'll be able to get started unpuzzling the 5 pieces of life, via Tab's Clarity - Life Healing Resources. Sign up is simple and the membership will be $5 a month.

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At Thee Sweetest Taboo, we say "come for the pleasure, stay for the healing" because we know healing can begin once you're safe and sound enough to enjoy yourself. Check out some of our pleasure offerings:

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Tab's Den is our immersive lounge 

Tab's Kitchen is our indulgent food

Tab's Edventures is our adult content membership - this monthly paid membership requires an application and membership approval. Scroll down further to check it out.